I always Watch the sun set, but there was an evening once not so long ago where I had got myself into such a state that I actually Felt the sun set. It Felt like the end and the end was a beautiful relief.
She moved into a glass house so she could be found much easier. She did not know that his eyes had stopped looking for her so long ago.
It was all so hazy but the closer I came to the edge, the clearer my vision. I had come as far to the edge as possible but I wished to see clearer still.
My young son asked me, “Mother do you know what an Existential Crisis is?”
I did not know whether to smile or frown, so I just poured another glass of wine and gave him some sort of answer.
Yes I do, it is just like being in a bad dream, a bad dream that you should wake up from immediately.
I stopped for a little while in the middle of somewhere.
Friends forever in the Blue mountains 2019
It really wasn’t that long ago when what I saw was the child’s rope swing…
now all I see is the noose…and isn’t it funny how the sun just keeps on shining so brightly
A new diary for the new year, blessed with Everlastings from Louise and offerings of kind words, music and pictures. 90 long years she has been waiting for her blank pages to be filled and so only the dearest words I shall write within her. As like her, I have known what it is to wait long, unknowing if the dearest shall ever help ease the emptiness with words…just a few little words, music and pictures.
Having parted with my two dearest friends that morning following a most magical time together in the misty Blue Mountains, I continued in the dream-like state I had found myself in and spent a summers day in Sydney where strangely the mist had found itself too. Looking at art in galleries and reading books in libraries, it seems I was still in a dream!
And mostly when I’m living daily life, doing daily life things, all I really feel I’m doing is whispering important nonsense into the sleeves of a straight jacket and tracing footprints around on a well-worn floor, having been ushered inside a revolving door.
I played the game for a little while and wearied of having to stay in it just to gain more and more. So I pulled out and let the others win.
But it is just a game, for fun, they teased.
Perhaps it was just my heart that could never understand the point- to win, was to make others lose. How does one think like that and call it a game they enjoy.
Oh where are they all going, and how may I go there too?
Taking the backroad this evening.
She closed her eyes and tried very hard to remember her last moment. She remembers…
in her last moment, her whole life flashed before her eyes…
not the one she had lived
…but the one she had missed.
The years passed by…and I passed by the years.